Dear Harman,
I sometimes don’t think I should tell you how much I love you. Why? you ask.. well because

remember we made a promise almost 2 years ago

not to fall in love before we meet

Oh we were allowed to tell each other we liked them, even that we loved them online, but we were both under strict orders from each other to keep it like that. Nothing that we felt between us online was to influence our thinking offline. And so what happened?

we fell hopelessly in love

Right now, and I dream of you, a day dream of you, I think of you constantly, you mean everything to me. This isn’t just a ‘game’ anymore is it? (when I say ‘game’ I mean we haven’t managed to keep it just online have we).

I still remember the first message you sent me on Orkut, the first time I saw a photo of a smiling, happy looking guy. You had the biggest smile in any photo I saw of you. I loved it. I remember the first email too. You wanted to know about my – and I quote, “boyfriend(s)” ha ha ha how wrong you were. I had a promise with myself that there would only ever be one man good enough for me, and when I found him, that was it, he would be the one.

So after a few weeks of emails we began chatting, you could chat for hours on end and I happily abandoned study for those hours to listen, mainly. You loved talking. It was good listening to you, and I had never been so patient with anyone in my life. I usually hated listening, but for some reason you were different.

In May you sent me a letter – you had some Hindi/Punjabi songs for me to listen to. I loved your handwriting, and you wrote the sweetest letter, telling me how you never expected to meet a princess like me. I definitely loved you by then, but had no idea how much more I would fall.

The next time you sent me something was my birthday, A beautiful long letter, a skirt and a precious silver ‘kara’. did you know that gift meant so much to me cause YOU sent it. I had other Indian accessories and clothes but I loved the ones you sent best.

The next year we tried to meet in Paris. It didn’t work, you had just moved for work to the Netherlands, and we only had one week in Paris. When you told me not to get tickets to Belgium, where we had planned to meet for just a few hours, I cried, and cried and cried. I knew that with my study and your work it meant we wouldn’t meet for at least another 12 months. So as I walked the streets of Paris crying and not caring that everyone who passed looked at me, I knew you told me not to come cause you cared for me more than you wanted to meet me.. I had never wanted something so badly in my life as to meet you. Yet, you told me we couldn’t do it. You had given me the same advice as my parents, and that meant you loved me more than I could tell.

The rest of the year went ok. You didn’t have the Internet for almost a month, and I had moved away from home to study at college. It was really hard. I missed you terribly but never wanted to tell you that because it would seem silly. Plus I knew you probably missed me just as badly. Still, I woke at 4am every morning in the slim hope that you would somehow appear online with no Internet connection (aren’t I crazy ).

There was a time I got mad at you, I had fun with a friend S, and you got jealous. I cried everytime you mentioned it because at the time you couldn’t understand that S was my only friend at college who understood me and I could talk to. I missed home a lot and needed someone. Luckily after I started crying while chatting with you (I think – I don’t actually remember this too well), you made me settle down before I rang you up to assure you I was ok. During that half-hour or so I just sat on my bed and cried and cried. I wanted to try and work out why you didn’t understand… I started to sms you to say it was over, but I couldn’t bring myself to push send.. I hit delete instead and went to check my email. You had sent me 2 or 3 really beautiful emails. You did understand, and I hadn’t realised that. I was at fault too, I had no concept of why someone would feel jealous, and when you told me why, I realised what it must have felt like to you, and I was sad I made you feel that way. I ended that day happier than ever that you were mine.

For my 22nd birthday you sent me an amazing gift, including a ‘princess crown’ from Disneyland, Paris. You had no idea how ‘me’ that was. Ever since I was a little girl I loved princesses, disney and paris. I was seriously shocked at how well you knew me without me telling you….

2008 started and you gave me a huge surprise on Valentine’s day sending flowers, chocolates and a teddy bear… I couldn’t believe someone would send ME a Valentine’s gift. Wow.

April 2008, and I just want to be with you…

Lots of love xx
Mary